Day 3: family love

So whenever I do family therapy, I almost always bring up how family is our constant. Even if you run away and never see them again, the not having them in your life impacts you. Family is unavoidable.

Family is a weird kind of love. Even when you hate someone, there's some sort of attachment there. You don't hate people you don't care about or who don't impact your life some how.

So I say

1. Parents love your children. Be there when they're young because those first few years pack a wallop. And sometimes I think those teenage years pack an even bigger wallop. When they're teens, you're teaching them how to relate with adults. Of course they're teens and ridiculous a lot but they're learning from their interactions with you and your interactive together as parents. Love.

2. Siblings, be patient with each other. And you do grow up. You'll need to choose whether you love each other and you want to forget all the mean crap you did as kids or look at it through roast glasses or you'll keep hating each other and make every family ever awful. Love is usually easier.

And that's all the unsolicited advice I can think of presently.

Day 2: Loving your lover

Our wedding of course : ) 7/11/2009

I've been doing couples therapy at my new job and it has awakened all sorts of thoughts and feelings I had no clue existed. I was working on those feelings with my supervisor last week (because to be a good therapist you better know you're own issues so they don't get in the way!) and at the end of it all he said "you really love him a lot, don't you." And I do. I love Mr. Thomson so much it's ridiculous. That doesn't mean that there aren't things we can do to make sure things stay that way for a good long time.

My absolute favorite thing to work on with couples is Love Languages. You can get the book here or at any local bookstore. It's written in an easy read way with lots of anecdotes. When you start dating someone, you have all of those exciting falling in love emotions. It's dang fun! But what happens when things start to slow down? In the book it says that usually those intense feelings last on average about 2 years. That's not all that long if you're planning on being with someone for eternity. That's when you have to start working at it, and it's much easier to work on if you know how to give love to your person in the way they understand it best.

The book outlines the 5 major ways that people give and receive love. So you read it, learn all about the languages and what they mean, take the easy test in the back and go forth and love! Not quite that easy, but I think it helps you see things in a different light. Of course I made Dan take it and I took it. I scored highest with Physical Touch and Dan scored highest with Acts of Service. I had absolutely no clue about Dan and I love that now I look for ways that I can serve him since that's how he feels most loved and I acknowledge when he serves me as his way of showing me love. He also works to hold my hand or rub my back and give random touches throughout the day since he now knows that's how I feel most loved. I don't know about him but I've been feeling way more content and fulfilled in our relationship since we read this.

Loving your lover can take work. But they're your person and you chose them, they're totally worth the extra work sometimes : )

Day 1: Loving yourself

Pic from fulfilling my dream of walking through Pompei in June 2006

I wanted to start love week with loving yourself first. I have a firm belief that for anyone else to love you, you have to love yourself. Nobody likes a "woe is me." Like any type of love, this takes constant work and re-discovery.

When I began my junior year at BYU, I became engaged to a boy. He was a very nice boy and absolutely perfect on paper. But he wasn't for me. The problem was that I hadn't loved and understood myself enough when we started dating so I simply became whoever he wanted me to be. Eventually I ended it, and decided that I needed some time away from any romantic relationships for at least a year and promised that the next time I got into a relationship, I'd be me no matter what. I was going to figure me out and love who I am or become whoever I wanted to be.

I did a lot of crying at first. I didn't like who I'd been pretending to be for so long. I wasn't firm in my understanding of who I was. I didn't love me for my own uniqueness or trust that others would like me for me. I slowly began writing in my journal, praying regularly, finding friends who thought I was great always and enjoying being me. Not until I found I loved myself and was completely content by myself, did I find El Dan-o. And because I loved who I was, I wasn't afraid to let him see it and I was confident in me.

I know everyone's situation is different. But I still think that when you love yourself, you're going to feel more confident and when you feel more confident, people are more attracted to you. Find something that you love about yourself and that makes you feel good. Writing, singing, reading, giving service, your work, pets, anything! And do it often. Figure out your weaknesses and work on them, at least acknowledge them and how they impact your interactions with other people. I have to do this all the time when doing therapy. People bring up issues and my own issues start to pop up. But I acknowledge them and I work on them or else I just flounder and slowly loose myself again. And loosing myself isn't something I want to do again.

So go and fall in love with yourself all over again. Look at your good and bad, acknowledge both and then work on what you want to change and emphasize what you love!

February 14th

I hope y'all find someone or something to love today. The mister and I will be having spaghetti and meatballs (a la Lady and the Tramp. Tender I know) and probably watching a chick flick if I have anything to say about it.

This week, I'm gonna declare it love week. I've been having a lot of thoughts lately on how important love is in our lives and it's impact whether we receive it or not. I hope to be able to organize my thoughts a bit, let's hope this works!

Amor

I hope you have a happy weekend!


I know I will when I walk in the doors and see this sweet note greeting me : ) isn't he the tops?

Cleaning the turtle tank

Fitz has a hard time dealing with his turtle sister Harlem when she's not in her tank. Even after we put her back, he was watching the tub for hours. (and yes mom I disinfect the tub like crazy after we put her in there) good times with fitz-o!

Worth it?

A few weeks ago, dan and I went to a new place in our neighborhood. It's all yummy pasta bars and salad bars and pizza and wine bars and fancy shamncy yumminess but unfortunately it has some downtown pricing.

That can of soda cost us 2 bones. It's all skinny. Like a pretend can of soda. We had to rush off cause dan was late for scouts but I was not finished with the soda. I was not about to throw out that skinny little can but it was freezing outside with a super wind chill factor and I only had fingerless gloves. Needless to say, my fingers we absolutely frozen by the time I got home but I definitely got my money's worth out of that can!