Jury Duty

funny picture found here

Today I have jury duty. While I understand the importance of jury duty and all the significance it entails... I don't particularly like to make decisions. Especially big decisions which is kind of what you do on a jury right? Make some sort of life altering decision for a person... but not really because they already made the decision... I don't know. It just makes me nervous and I don't like it, it's a lot of pressure to make sure you decide right! But away I go to serve my civic duty and get a little respite from work : ) (which is what I'm really happy about, let's be honest).

The Half Marathon Begins

Last week, I decided I'm going to run a half marathon. Lindsay suggested it at Korean food last Monday and while at the time I brushed it off by Wednesday morning I started my training. And by training I mean I started with walking for 20 min on the treadmill. You see, I am really out of shape. I haven't gone to the gym regularly in a long time and I am not a runner. My family, we are not so much the athletic type... well at least my mom, myself and my brother Connor. I'm more of an eater and reader type. Both of which activities involve me either sitting on my duff or laying down. Not very active right?

So I'll talk more about the half marathon I'm doing and the training and I'm sure I'll be complaining. And now that I've announced it to the world I'm really hoping I'm going to follow through with this or else this is going to be embarrassing...

But the story I want to tell is this...
See that sad face of mine? That's after my Dapper Dan offered to get me some ice cream with chocolate sauce and then gave me supposedly 3 scoops and a teeny tiny bit of chocolate drizzled. Now I am a professional ice cream eater, and that mostly empty hot chocolate mug is not what 3 scoops is supposed to look like. When I made a face and started to complain he said "Half Marathon Babe! You're training, you gotta eat right!" And while this is true, I didn't so much appreciate the little smirk on his face while he said it.

I guess this is the start of a life style change, and a little piece of my heart broke at being denied that creamy goodness because of that change. But to 13.1 miles I go, and it'll probably be easier to run (meaning: jog slowly) those miles without any of that creamy goodness hanging around my middle. But you better believe I'll be packin' it in on the 1st of June! : )

The Temple

picture from here

On Saturday evening, Dan and I attended a session at the Manhattan LDS Temple. In there, we are able to serve the Lord, and remember the covenants we made previously. The thing I love about the temple is the peace that is there inside. Especially here in the Manhattan Temple.

You take a crowded subway downtown, most likely hearing various profanities, bad music, and experiencing just the general hustle and bustle of the city. That thing that exists here that makes you feel like you need to walk as quickly as possible everywhere you go even if there's no reason to hurry. And then, then you walk through those temple doors and you're engulfed in silence. Not an oppressive silence, but a silence full of light, joy and peace.

On Saturday we were runnin a bit late (start the stressing), we had to stop at Verizon to try and get my brother's old phone hooked up with my number, but we were first told it would be $20 and then that they can't do it in the store (more anger/stressing), I tried calling Verizon to switch the numbers around while walking to the Temple and was unsuccessful (ARG! why me, why me?? I just want a phone!!!!), more general feeling like my life is out to make me as miserable as possible, lot's of grumbling, Dan telling me to chill out and getting angry that he's telling me to chill out (where's the empathy!!). Basically once we arrived at the Temple, I was not in a happy mood.

But then we walked through those doors and I consciously decided I would chillax and let it go. I was not going to worry any more for the next 2 hours. And it worked. In the temple I was able to let go, and clear my mind. I let thoughts float by, but didn't let any negative ones linger. I didn't think about all of my crazy families, or how I'm struggling to love the place I'm at in life right now. I thought about how I could show God I appreciate what He has given me (my body, my family, my friends, my job, my talents, strengths...). What could I do to fully love and strengthen those things?

There were no epiphanies. But after the crazy few weeks I've had since coming back from vacation, the clarity and the perspective I gained there was amazing and relaxing. I'm still not excited to start another week of chaos, but I feel like I have a better perspective, all thanks to the Temple.

Friday night, Italian style

On Friday night, Dan and I went out to dinner for our friend Kate... Katherine... KB whatever you wanna call her's birthday. She just had some of her closest friends there, about 16 of us all together. We went to this amazing Italian restaurant in Greenwich Village. Real homemade pasta, delicious sauce, soooo fresh. I'm pretty sure we'll be taking visitors there from now on. It was such a fun night. Other than KB and her partner Derek, we only knew one other girl there, the infamous Alex aka Chubs. It was fun meeting a whole bunch of new people and chatting all night long.

One of the things I've loved about dating/marrying Dan the Man is the amazing group of friends he has. Dan's friends are just straight up good people. And they're very intellectual, in this super cool, I wish I was as smart and clever as they are kind of way. Even though they're smarter and more clever and funny than I am, they are just way too much fun to be around to ever let feeling dumb get in the way of wanting to spend time with them. And maybe if I spend time with them all that awesomeness will rub off on me? : )

What I'm trying to say is that Friday night was a blast because we didn't really know anyone. All because Dan's friends are the type of people who choose other really interesting, really clever, really neat people to be friends with. So we got to know some new really interesting, really clever, really neat people while celebrating a good friend's birthday.

And it was good times.

Why I love New York

Get ready for a picture overload. This is more for me I think, and if you happen to be entertained along the way : ) Sweet rhino!
Columbia University, what brought me here... well and Dan : )
The Statue of Liberty
The happiest place on earth!
Times Square
The Cloisters in any season
The New York Public Library. I love me some books!
Walking the Brooklyn Bridge
Thanksgiving til New Years. No other place like it.
Broadway shows
Going to free TV show tapings
The Natural History Museum and the big-a whale there
Yankee's of course!
Central Park in Spring time. Absolute favorite time and place in NYC. Soooo green after the bareness of winter.
Alice's Teacup with girlfriends : )
Magnolia's Bakery! Get their Banana pudding, it's to die for and I don't like banana pudding.
The Met... museums in general
Live Jazz in little basement bars
And of course my Dapper Dan Man. He really makes all of the hard sucky parts of living in a crazy city so far from home okay, and sometimes he even makes it great : ) I sure do love him!

There's also the fact that I've had an amazing education, I've had the chance to work with people and populations in such a unique setting (that I definitely wouldn't have had in Utah and not even in California), and I'm working at a job which doesn't exist any where else right now, and that means big opportunities to learn and grow.

There are lots of good things about living here right now. I just need to stop and remember and enjoy them sometimes : )

Go remember what's good about where you live this weekend. It's good for ya!

Favorite Things...

Eating a hot cup of chicken noodle soup and some toast for lunch. Good comfort food for a wintery week last week!
Having a completely sparklingly clean bathroom sink! Does anyone else love it when you just know your sink is beautiful? (the random orange toothbrush is J-Meezy's for when she randomly spends the night).
Walking through mid-town by myself at night and seeing the lights.
Lately I've had a really hard time remembering why I love living in NYC. I've hated it. Probably mostly because of my job and how difficult my families are being right now, but it's just tainted every part of my life. As my FFT co-therapists would say, "you've bought into the negativity." And I have. I've completely bought into how difficult it can be to live in New York and and amount of crazy people I run into in my job here. But I was chatting with Abbie the other day on the way home from church and she said something like, "if you can do it here, any where else is going to feel so easy!" And it's true... I hope : ) If I can deal with the insane population that seems so concentrated here, then I can deal with anything.

So tomorrow to help me remember what I love about NYC, I'll be post about that very thing. How serrendipitious! : )

Korean Yummy-ness

Monday night in order to celebrate our freedom from work and enjoy good food with good company, Dan and I got some of our favorite couples to feel like it was a good idea to travel into the unknown depths of New Jersey for some Korean food. There's a heavily populated Korean area right across the George Washington Bridge in New Jersey with some real Korean restaurants. Dan and Scott (Ashley's hubs) served in the same mission in Seoul, Korea (but different times). This makes it even more fun to get Korean because they start chatting away in Korean and then the servers really treat us nicely. I of course got my favorite Bi Bim Bap and convinced all of the other girls to try it. I think they liked it : ) When we walked out of the restaurant we noticed this rather large tank of...
EELS!!! Flotsam and Jetsam anyone? Little Mermaid? Yes? Anyone?
Masil House, you did not disappoint on the Korean grub front.
Really awkward picture of Dan and I.

We were all prepared for this trip to take forever. The directions we'd been given by Dan's friend were similar to... "so if your bus doesn't come because sometimes they don't, then um just go cross over to this other street and you'll see these white bus van things, and then you can take that..." Just a little sketch right?

But we left NYC at about 5:10, catching the bus right before it pulled out, had dinner, only waited about 10 minutes for the bus going back to NYC and were back in the City by 7:10. Two hours total! What?! It was really amazing timing. So we went to Ashley and Scott's apartment where Scott made us all amazing Malts and we chatted for a while longer.

We are slowly but surely making couple friends here in NYC and it is good times. Now we just need our Laureeny and T-Master and Katie and Keither to come play! : )

All the Single Ladies!

On Friday night, Dan went straight out the CT after work to hang out with the fam bam. I stayed in the City to party at the Mack/Gileno casa for Z's birthday. I felt a bit like a single lady again and got all gussied up in a new dress and felt sassy walking around mid-town in my cute black flats.

For the par-tay we ate and played rock band. Doesn't get better than that!
All of the pics are a bit blurry. I chose a bad setting to take them. And I have no pics with the Birthday girl because she was rocking away on the drums a lot! : )
J-Meezy and I stuffing out faces.
Oh Julie you are such a model! Check out that band rockin out!
Um yes, you should hire them for your next event. They will go crazy on the rock band
Please excuse me rather large arm. It embarassing I know, I'm going to the gym tomorrow.
YAY for Birthday cake!
Zaneta's in there I promise!
Oh Dan Duran, getting a little too excited about the rock band!

It was good times with sassy clothes, rock band, and amigos.

Reason number 31432817 why I love Dapper Dan Man

Monday night, after my phone was stolen Dapper Dan did this.

That's right, he lit some candles for my bath and reminded me to fill it with some yummy smelling stuff.

I was all ready to hop in, relax and read a good book.
Too bad I was an idiot and filled the entire bath with the boiling water that comes out of the spout and even after 30 minutes of draining some hot water, putting in cold water, moving the water around to let out steam it was still too hot to get in. So I had to drain it and took a shower. Sooo really really nice thought that just didn't quite pan out.
Then on Wednesday night, after another bad day, I came home to "something's in the fridge for you."
You see those flowers that haven't bloomed quite yet? Yeah those are lilies, my absolute favorite smelling flower. They are delicious to say the least. I can't wait until they bloom : )

Isn't he the tops?

Funny thing...

Monday afternoon, my phone got snatched. As you can tell from yesterdays post, this year has gotten off to a bit of a rough start. I was glad for the new week, and a bit of a start over, but that was not to be. I got done with my session out in the Bronx and headed into the subway with a large group of teens. I had my wallet zipped up in my bag, but my work phone and personal phone were just hanging out in the little pockets on the inside of the bag for you to put your phone in. A man kept on me, he was super close and was covering his hands with a magazine while he was reaching around inside. It didn't click in my head as to why he was so up on me, until I finally went through the turnstile and it clicked. I checked my bag and no more personal phone!

I yelled, but unfortunately there were no police in the station at that moment and the box where the station attendant is supposed to sit has been closed for the past four months. I didn't know what to do and lamely went back up above ground looked around to see if I could see him still and called Dan to tell him to call my mom to turn off the service for the phone. Then I walked back downstairs and of course the police were there then, but could do nothing.

Of course when I went to Verizon I learned I had no insurance on the phone and I had just updated my contract this summer which is when I'd bought my phone, meaning I have to pay retail price for a new phone. And retail price is ridiculous. Even the most basic basic basic phone is $220 retail. Ugh.

So that was a lovely way to start my week off on the right foot. Sadly it appears to have colored the rest of my week and I've had crisis after crisis with almost every single family I work with.

Oh my life. What are you doing to me?

Quote of the moment

On my 18th birthday a month before I started college.

"The secret to becoming who you wish to be begins with believing you can become who you wish to be."

I have no idea who wrote that. I tried googling it and nothing popped up. If anyone knows where that comes from, I'd love to give credit where credits due.

I found it actually while wasting time on etsy. It's on a print, that I now desperately want to put on my little desk at work.

Work feels ridiculously hard right now. I'm trying to do too many things at once, play too many roles; be an advocate for myself, my team and my clients, be a case manager, know everything that's going on with everyone, be a therapist for the families I work with, my co-workers, my friends, my family, be a grow-up, act like I know what I'm doing... Actually that just sounds kind of like life is hard. But life isn't hard, it's my work that's making everything else hard. It shadows my life.

Does anyone else experience that? I dream about work, I wake up early in the morning and my thoughts turn to work, I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, work floats around, I make dinner, ponder on work some more, I chat with Dapper Dan Man, it's about work... actually the only place where I know my thoughts won't turn to work? Reading, and let's be honest some good tickle your funny bone The Office and 30 Rock episodes.

But this isn't a post about reading, even though I should probably do one sometime as I'm an admitted book worm.

Work, work, work. And you know what the main reason is that it feels so hard right now?

Because I don't believe I can become who I want to be. I feel like a failure, like I'm not doing anything quite right and I'm running around with my head exploding. And sometimes I truly believe I won't be able to do what I set out to do. That I won't be able to be the therapist and type of person I dreamed of being when I earned my social work degrees. Co-workers, supervisors, friends, family... they all say I'm doing great. But really? I don't think so. I'd always imagined that when I got to the point of being "great" that I'd feel put together and in control.

And I'm so out of control of everything right now, it's ridic!

But maybe once I start believing that it will all come together. That some day I'll be in control and not flying by the seat of my pants. If I just let go and have some faith in myself and my potential, then maybe it will start coming together. And like the quote says, I'll become who I want to be.

I sure hope so.

On living with a boy

Since getting married, I've lived with this sweet hunk o' love. I know, he can be really attractive when he wants to be huh? Living with a boy is newsflash! very different from living with a girl/girls. There are some advantages to living with a boy. He cleans up my dirty dishes after I cook, takes out the trash when I ask him, doesn't give into any drama, doesn't create drama for that matter...etc. However, there are some serious disadvantages of living with a boy that I've learned over the past 6 months. And this might be a strange post after my post yesterday, but... I like to keep it real here. Mostly for the benefit of this lovely lady (below), who scoffs at the unreal nature of many blogs : )

Laureeny at her birthday party

So when I first moved out of my parents abode, I went to live with 6 girls in a college apartment style dorm. 6 women living together who are not related is unnatural. End of story. I didn't thoroughly enjoy living with women until my senior year of college when I got to live with 3 others girls, and we had a dishwasher and a washer and dryer in the apartment. It was good times.

Katie and I being ridiculous at Rachel's b-day party

We all got along really well, and enjoyed each others company. Three of the four of us were dating boys who eventually became our husbands, so we also had fairly frequent male company. Which kept things from getting too crazy I think.

Really horrible picture of me with cute Rachel at her b-day party

But at the end of the day, we could all come home and hang out on each others beds and chat about what had happened that day and understand each other because well... we're female. We get where we're coming from. Girls get when I say "I'm having a fat day." They know what to do. When I tell Dapper Dan, he just looks at my like I'm crazy and tells me to stop being an idiot (in a much nicer way I assure you... usually). When I come home from a long day and I'm worn out, other girls seem to know how to react and they know when I shrug to respond to the question "do you want to talk about it?" means yes, but give me a second, just sit with me for a little bit and then I'll start talking. They seem to know intuitively whether I need alone time, or comfort time, they know when to listen and when to talk... we just get it!

J-meezy and I attending a Yankee's game post marriage

It's especially difficult to live with a boy after living with my sweet Julie Mack-a-doodle. As you can tell by the above picture, we're ridiculously in sync (not to be confused with the boy band 'Nsync circa 1995). Sadly we only lived together for 2 months due to my idiocy and fear of change. But we loved it! It was perfect, we got each others moods and when to talk and when not to, we knew how to respond to each other, we knew when we needed more space...etc, etc. Even now, I'll make a comment or get in one of those moods and Dan says, "uh oh, do I need to call Julie?" It was so easy!

I like living with my boo, in some ways it is a lot easier, but in other ways... it would be nice to be able to come home to a girl at the end of the day!

Six Months

Today it's been six months since this whole sha-bang went down...

That's right, getting sealed for time and eternity. It's kind of a big deal : )
That day is such a blur of emotions now, I wish I could have had a video camera inside my mind so I could play it all back later. All of the emotions and thoughts running through my mind.
For me, my wedding day was everything I could have hoped for. I married the man I love, in God's house, and by the right authority so we could be together forever. I love the perspective that gives me in my marriage. Our relationship isn't just for this life, but for eternity. If there's an issue, we better deal with it!
It was an unbelievable day. Happy and all that other good stuff that's supposed to happen on wedding days. But I do have some wishes...

I wish I could have spent a few minutes right after the ceremony alone with Dan. I was in a dressing room with my mom when the realization that Dan was mine and I was his for eternity hit me and I finally started really crying. I like my mom, so it wasn't bad, but I wish I could have been with Dan and shared that moment with him.

I wish I had paid more attention to family members. Everything is so fast, the whole day is full of special moments and I feel like I didn't give those special moments to family members enough. It was a lot of trying to move quickly and keep on schedule instead of focusing on family which is what I think a wedding is all about. Love and family.

I wish at the reception I had spent more time with the guests instead of on the dance floor. But I don't wish this one too much because I had a blast dancing with my friends and husband and if other guests wanted to be with me or Dan, they could have come and danced. : )

I really wish I had danced with my Grandad. There were maybe two slow songs other than the "official" dances and then I was leaving and all of a sudden he grabbed me for a quick little spin for a picture before I ran into the night. I went back to the hotel room and cried for missing the opportunity.

I think a wedding day is a hard balance. I was a firm believer that a wedding is about the couple, and I still think that the focus should be on them. It's their day, their joy and new union. However, looking back, I wish I had invited more family into that joy. That I had paused for a minute to give a more meaningful hug, whisper a more heartfelt thanks, share an expression of love.
But I lived it. A wedding day requires one to be in the moment and really live all of those emotions. And on that day I swam in those emotions and tried my best to follow them. My wishes only come after the experience and looking back after 6 months. I don't want to call them regrets because I don't regret my wedding day in any way. I just wish I could do some things differently if I were getting hitched again, which won't be happening, so they'll just stay wishes and advice I'll give my children when their day comes... in the extremely far away future.

I look at that last picture and I think it sums up the whole day. Ridiculously happy to be who we truly are with each other. And who we are is generally ridiculous.

And I'm happy with that.