Quote of the moment

On my 18th birthday a month before I started college.

"The secret to becoming who you wish to be begins with believing you can become who you wish to be."

I have no idea who wrote that. I tried googling it and nothing popped up. If anyone knows where that comes from, I'd love to give credit where credits due.

I found it actually while wasting time on etsy. It's on a print, that I now desperately want to put on my little desk at work.

Work feels ridiculously hard right now. I'm trying to do too many things at once, play too many roles; be an advocate for myself, my team and my clients, be a case manager, know everything that's going on with everyone, be a therapist for the families I work with, my co-workers, my friends, my family, be a grow-up, act like I know what I'm doing... Actually that just sounds kind of like life is hard. But life isn't hard, it's my work that's making everything else hard. It shadows my life.

Does anyone else experience that? I dream about work, I wake up early in the morning and my thoughts turn to work, I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, work floats around, I make dinner, ponder on work some more, I chat with Dapper Dan Man, it's about work... actually the only place where I know my thoughts won't turn to work? Reading, and let's be honest some good tickle your funny bone The Office and 30 Rock episodes.

But this isn't a post about reading, even though I should probably do one sometime as I'm an admitted book worm.

Work, work, work. And you know what the main reason is that it feels so hard right now?

Because I don't believe I can become who I want to be. I feel like a failure, like I'm not doing anything quite right and I'm running around with my head exploding. And sometimes I truly believe I won't be able to do what I set out to do. That I won't be able to be the therapist and type of person I dreamed of being when I earned my social work degrees. Co-workers, supervisors, friends, family... they all say I'm doing great. But really? I don't think so. I'd always imagined that when I got to the point of being "great" that I'd feel put together and in control.

And I'm so out of control of everything right now, it's ridic!

But maybe once I start believing that it will all come together. That some day I'll be in control and not flying by the seat of my pants. If I just let go and have some faith in myself and my potential, then maybe it will start coming together. And like the quote says, I'll become who I want to be.

I sure hope so.