I am a therapist

Back in the day when Rachel and I were traveling through France and Italy, our only thoughts were "where the crap is our hostel?" and "let's cram in as much awesome-ness as possible in a one week period, sweet!"

I am a therapist. I love it. I love getting a new case and devouring the information. Gleaning as much as I can about my new client/s. I love writing a pre-assessment (even though I complain) before I meet the client. Analyzing the situation, searching out what the underlying issues and themes are, finding the causes for behavior, coming up with ideas, planning out how I can use the skills and techniques I've learned to help improve someone's life who is just a little stuck right now. Figuring out how I can facilitate their learning more about themselves and having an increased understanding of who they are and what they need in life and how to go about getting that.

I love it.

I love writing up post session, thinking through what I said, critiquing myself. Finding the one gem sentence, the one phrase that let me in a little more which gives me something to work with in the next session. Planning the next session, hoping, questioning, thinking... Reviewing my treatment so far. Figuring out what has and hasn't worked. Going back to the drawing board. Consulting more experienced people, consulting my co-therapists... figuring out what I can do.

I love it.

I love the prep, I love the after, I love the thinking through, I love the stories people have, I love the writing. I get complimented on it. I'm decent at the writing and the think through.

But I struggle.

When I am in a session, I freeze. Someone says something and I have no idea how to respond to it. They ask me a question, I have no idea what the answer is. I ask them a question and they don't understand. I try and come up with examples on the fly and they fall flat. I try and stop a couple from screaming at each other, I try and make a family feel motivated to change, I try and make people feel understood, I try and find the best in the crappy individuals, I try, but sometimes...

I suck.

In the middle of a session, I frequently have nothing. No tricks up my sleeves, no go to answers, nada. I'm all alone.

But then sometimes, like yesterday, I pray my freakin' heart out because I don't know what to do anymore. I've consulted everyone I can, I've thought it through, I have things written on paper and I still feel like it won't matter. It won't be enough. I know my session will fall flat and the family will continue to go no where. So I pray to Heavenly Father, that He'll help me. He'll inspire me. He'll give me the words I need, the understanding I need to help His children.

And He helps.

And I have that one gem of a session that picks me up for at least a little while and makes me feel like maybe I can make a difference. At least every once in a while.

And that's what people need right? Someone who can make a difference every once in a while and nudge us towards the right path?

At least that's what I tell myself to feel better. : )