Presently, I feel as if many many many people... and by people I mean women, are either preggers or just gave birth. There really aren't that many I guess, but I just keep getting this feeling that everyone's doing it! The hot new accessory is a baby, and really thats been going on since the birth of Brangelina, but I just feel this influence especially in my life now. Which is interesting because nobody has asked Dan or I when we're going to hop on the baby wagon, at least not directly. A certain mom of mine may daydream of grandchildren out loud with some degree of frequency, but always with the disclaimer "but I know it's not going to happen for a very very very long time." And whenever Dan or I bring up children we always tack on that disclaimer as well. We just want to make sure there is no speculation whatsoever. Cause it's not happening now... we're clear on that? I can stop making that disclaimer now? Okay thanks.
But back to my original point. I feel like I have babies on the brain, but not in a "I desperately want to have one" kind of way, but more of a "what if I can't get pregnant? What if I'm broken and I don't even know it? What will we do? How would I deal with that? Is there some way I can find out how 'fertile' I am without getting a real baby started? Am I going to be a horrible mom? I can't even imagine me as a mom. I'm so young, I'm only 23... but I'm so old, I know girls my age with TWO babies! (and they're not ghetto mama's). Ack!" Am I completely crazy to be thinking about these sorts of things? Especially when I have no plans on getting prego for a few more years. Probably.
I think the baby brain is partly because of this whole getting married deal. Fortunately/unfortunately the whole baby thing is a possibility now. It could really happen. It wouldn't be on purpose right now, but before marriage, having a baby could definitely not happen, but now... woah! That's just a life adjustment I hadn't really thought about that accompanies marriage. You get married and it's like, "um yeah I guess I'm responsible enough to be a parent too." That's just a side of getting married that nobody ever really mentions to you.
I can't wait to have babies with Dapper Dan. He's absolutely amazing with children. Sometimes I even get worried he's going to be the much better parent and leave me in the dust, and all the kids will love him more. He's definitely going to be the fun parent. ... Makes me jealous, but I'm glad to know already that he's going to be great.
Anyways... I just think about babies sometimes... does anyone else?
3 comments:
All the time, and I'm not even married. So you've got one more excuse to do it than I do. I've had the same thought you've had about Dapper Dan--will my husband be the one they love more? But I think kids love both parents equally, just differently. You'll have just as special a place :)
Before you have babies, they are a nice thing to daydream about. Enjoy the daydreams - they are sweet and harmless and probably a way to prepare you for the time when you do have babies. Don't worry about being "broken". If you are, you'll just do what it takes to bring babies into your family another way and there's no use wasting energy on that negativity. Once the babies come, you will realize how glorious they are. I remember laying on the couch just staring at my first baby (can't do that with subsequent ones) and basking in the wonder of her. I remember drinking in her smell and rejoicing in it. That's a part of me. Something precious that I helped to create! I'm getting teary now, so I think I will stop. Just know this, I believe you will be an awesome mom. With all that you have learned and your inate character, you will be incredible.
Oh Maddie, I don't think you have to worry about not being a fun and awesome mom. And I think yo' mama had some awesome words of wisdom for you. :) Love you much and can't wait to see you guys soon! P.S. I have big news (well, just the fact that I finally grew a spine) to tell you sometime. I'll call you sometime next week.
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