Hard Worker

Spencer and me back in the day

I've always been a hard worker. While all my friends were just plain ole geniuses and while my little brother could easily outsmart me in just about anything, I had to work dang hard to be able to get the good grades I got. All through high school, college, and grad school, I worked hard. I like to think it's one of my strengths. However, I have learned that working hard for school and working hard for a living is different and working hard for a living is much harder!

I've been having a hard time with work since I got back from Christmas. Maybe it's the winter blues, maybe it's getting over that 6 month hump at a new job, maybe it's the fact that the entire month of January starting the day I got back from vacay was absolutely nut-so, and maybe part of the problem is that I haven't been working hard enough.

I've been chatting with Dan a lot lately about work and he knows how much I'm struggling with it and staying motivated, but the other night like the good husband he is, he gently put me in check. He asked if me maybe the reason why I feel like I haven't improved in two months is because I haven't really been working all that hard. And you know what, it's probably true. After my crazy month in January where I was just reacting to crisis after crisis, I just sort of gave up trying to really plan anything, trying to do something new, trying to improve. I stopped working hard. And this has hurt me and my clients.

I feel horrible that my weakness has hurt other people, but hearing that from Dan is what I needed to pick myself up and get motivated again. Not that I'm going to become an amazingly hard worker again over night (this stuff is hard!) but I now feel more accountable for the lack of progress with my clients. I can't put it all on them. I believe in change and that change has to start with me before my clients are going to change. I don't think I can be a therapist if I don't believe in change, and I had better practice what I preach!